cat brains are so small but they fit so much bastard into them
hey guys, just got back from my very long journey of re-writing history to put us on a timeline where harry potter doesn’t exist! no need to thank me, but don’t worry, it’s gone now.
who?
what is this person talking about
This post gives me a great idea for seven books and eight movies
did anyone else have the fucking. dolphin girls at school
they were like horse girls except they couldnt ht gfbfnfbnfj eb do sorry a mojth started attacking me
its dive bombing me like its world war 2 im just tryn to shit
toilet roll now controlled by enemy forces
anyway dolphin girls where like horse girls but since they couldnt get their own dolphins they always had 24 books called like “sparkle glimmer cove” wherever they went
That one friend who takes sneezing to a whole new level.
If this isn’t me….
you ever think a post is going to be like, surprise! It was the plot of a movie the whole time! And then reality is just actually that wild. Wild.
From the Wikipedia page about the Fermi Paradox: Given the high scientific probability for alien existence, why can we find no evidence of their existence whatsoever?
A poem about loneliness
[ID: screenshot of a section of a Wikipedia table of contents that reads:
5. Hypothetical explanations for the paradox
5.1 Extraterrestrial life is rare or non-existent
5.2 No other intelligent species have arisen
5.3 Intelligent alien species lack advanced technology
5.4 It is the nature of intelligent life to destroy itself
5.5 It is the nature of intelligent life to destroy others
5.6 Periodic extinction by natural events
5.7 Inflation hypothesis and the youngness argument
5.8 Intelligent civilizations are too far apart in space or time
5.9 It is too expensive to spread physically throughout the galaxy
5.10 Human beings have not existed long enough
5.11 Humans are not listening properly
5.12 Civilizations broadcast detectable radio signals only for a brief period of time
5.13 They tend to isolate themselves
5.14 They are too alien
5.15 Everyone is listening, no one is transmitting
5.16 Earth is deliberately not contacted
5.17 Earth is purposefully isolated (planetarium hypothesis)
5.18 It is dangerous to communicate
5.19 They are here undetected
5.20 They are here unacknowledged
/end ID]
China Loves Venom.
I don’t just mean that it’s chinese box office figures are great. They are, but the audience is also emotionally thirsty for venom. He’s the new number one dream boyfriend. All the chinese articles I’ve read keep talking about his 男友力, his boyfriend power level(ie how good a SO is) and how its off the charts. How even people who aren’t into superheroes and are just along for the ride will be charmed at this romantic dreamboat. How adorable and lovable and cute and charming he is. How he’s become a 国民男友, a National Boyfriend, ie, someone the whole country wants to date because they’re such a Ideal BF. That Women Love Venom is accepted fact. The top three things articles in Chinese keep mentioning about the film are a)the box office success, b)how popular venom is With The Ladies in the audience and how he’s an Ideal Boyfriend, and how Venom and Eddie have Incredible Chemistry and c)blah blah cast plot trailer reactions blah. I’m so proud of the goo, y’all, he’s such a good boyfriend to Eddie that he’s made himself a Publically Recognised Dreamboat.
And this reaction wasn’t exactly unanticipated. Official promo images included art of Venom being a great BF in this vein:
Yes. That’s been on the official Weibo (chinese Twitter) account.
The little stamp says Venom: Caring Protector (the film is released in China as Venom: lethal protector so its a play on that). The term 暖男 is a particular archetype of caring and emotionally available man. A sweet softboy, if you will.
Highlights from articles include:
- V keeps being called a 忠犬, a “loyal dog” love interest archetype who is loyal and self sacrificing and values his SO above all else. Kind of like the Service in Service Top.
- he gets called 蠢萌 and 贱萌, which respectivekey are cute because he’s a dumbass and cute because he’s a dick
- One article talks about how you expect a monster but you get a beautiful creature with beautiful perfect teeth. Ok???? Horny much????
- Insisting he’s lovable because he’s Sensitive and Emotionally Intelligent, and know What Women Want, as shown by the scene where he coaches Eddie through his convo with Anne in the car
- These aren’t from fanblogs by they way they’re from movie and entertainment sites and are Articles.
- there’s this one user’s review on the biggest chinese movie review site that talks about how Venom is so sexy it makes them tremble. I’ve seen it quoted like four times.
Admittedly I’m biased but I just finished reading a Chinese think piece on Why Venom Is The Sexiest Villain so excuse me if I’m too enthusiastic. FYI reasons include:
- he’s played by Tom hardy who is Sexy. (Hardy’s Chinese fan nickname is 汤老湿, which sounds like tom+sensei, but written as Tom+always wet…Chinese people are horny for Tom hardy.)
- Because he’s got that contrast of sharp and lethal on the outside and soft and tender on the inside
- And my favourite: because he is Socially Responsible and Does The Right Thing and is a Good Boy for Saving The Earth And Mrs Chen The Shopkeeper. This writer is so horny for V???? I’m screaming.
Chinese Venomfuckers I’m so proud of you all.
Ahhhh I keep forgetting to reblog this but it’s hilarious (and fascinating).
Also knowledge of Tom Hardy’s popularity in China continues to make me confused and salty about why WB scrubbed the Chinese release of Mad Max: Fury Road.
